Haywire Review

If you simply must be strangled, try this.

So I finally saw Haywire yesterday. I’ve had the night to think about it, and I’m sad to say it was disappointing. Sometimes there are movies that just can’t live up to the hype, and I was so certain that I would love it that I think I did myself in. The movie has gotten solid reviews from critics, all of whom seem totally willing to overlook the thin story and lackluster dialog simply because the protagonist is female. And I might have overlooked these things too, if only the action had been better. Everyone’s been crowing about how amazing the action in the movie is, so let me publicly dissent. Aside from the fight scenes, which were good (not great) and too few, everything else about this movie drags.

The story isn’t just thin—it’s a complete after-thought, draped over the film simply to give it some sort of narrative. Nothing about it is clever or engaging, and the “payoff” at the end is tacked on as punctuation, and underwhelming shrug of exposition for the simple purpose of completing the circle.

If all this makes it sound like I hated the movie, I didn’t. I liked it. Or maybe I should say I liked watching Gina Carano. There was just enough in the movie for a guy like me who wants to see an authentic, ass-kicking woman who can perform her own fights and stunts. Gina Carano totally brings it. Forget her acting—to me it was adequate, and since I expected nothing more from her big screen debut it didn’t bother me. I can definitely see her doing more of these kinds of action movies. And Wonder Woman? Look no further. She’s got just the right kind of presence to play the Amazonian princess. I’ll be in nerd heaven if that happens, but right now I think that’s just a rumor.

So, after talking about the movie for a couple of weeks, I’m gonna finally shut my mouth about it now. I hope to see more of Gina C. in the future, but Haywire won’t be a movie I see again.